HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
