see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
