It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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