is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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