Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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