I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
