i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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