i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Shame - the story of my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
