Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
