so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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