just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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