I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
