My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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