He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
