I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
50% drunk capacity currently
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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