what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
