Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
