I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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