Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
