tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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