Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
