Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
