The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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