it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
