Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
