even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize