i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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