It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
