just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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