Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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