I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Less talking, more tequila
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
