Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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