I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is my gift to your gina
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
