Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize