I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
