oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
