obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
