It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My feet surprised me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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