the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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