In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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