If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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