OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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