This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
