I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
