My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
