i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize