I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
