it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
