My hand turned me down
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
