i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
