Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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