WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
