OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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