Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
