how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just want to make out with him forever
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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