I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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