My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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