He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
