It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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