I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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