He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The ass gains better be worth it
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