he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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