How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
