is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
