Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
