A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
