Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
