Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
