On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
