Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
