I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize