im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
