I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
