Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
