who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I accidentally burped into my bong.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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