Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
