Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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